the lake before
the lake after
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ROYAL PLAYA CLUB
★★★★★


hibiscus

Royal Playa Club,
Tourism in the World After.



Brochure Été 2022 - 603
🇫🇷🇬🇧

The sky is now advantageously colored with a nice greenish tint.
This is due to a high concentration of foul-smelling microscopic green algae (Hexemus Purulus) and highly toxic airborne spores that have arisen as a result of climate change, pollution, nuclear accidents and other chemical disasters... But it is safe for the surviving population.

On the occasion of the next COP27 International Climate Conference, the Royal Playa Club® invites you to spend an unforgettable holiday in our prestigious lodges, located around Lake Xhative. Our eco-accommodations meet the highest standards of comfort and security for an ever more demanding clientele.

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Our customers testify (Mrs. AD):

" So many emotions,
the mushrooms are magnificent this year, I will be back."

krol


Our Villas


3 villas


Our luxurious villas are located on the shores of Lake Xhatiff.

medal

Medal from the Ministry of Pollution and Tourism.
Made in Belgium.



cottage by the lake

The Lake Xhative

You will be comfortably installed by the lake in a perfectly waterproof chalet, with a much appreciated exotic style. The morning mists (although toxic) add a poetic touch to the atmosphere, with a pretty greenish hue this morning.

beach hotel

On the Beach

It's the spring festival, let's have a nice day at the beach, in the shade of a mushroom or in your chalet.
Don't let children play with dead fish!

☂️🛺 🛶 🛼🤿

At the reception desk you will find some beach items.

(Reserved for Prime customers)

blue lagoon

The Blue Lagoon

It is thanks to the responsible management of nuclear and chemical waste, buried at shallow depths, that our charming village benefits from a heavenly microclimate. Our pavilions are perfectly integrated into a wild and generous nature. A Nature & Discovery walk in the marshes is offered to you every week on Tuesdays.

krol


Last Week's Weather,


brought to you by Iced Mushroom.®

weather report

In all regions, toxic, acidic and abundant rains flooded our beautiful region a few days ago. This will probably persist for the whole month. Nevertheless, and this is good news, the radioactivity remains at a rate below the new standards and is therefore safe for the population. Let's take advantage of this week's good weather to walk through our green swamps, despite a slight possibility of further acid rain.

Live observation. The good weather has arrived.

CAM17:
web cam panoramique pluie pluie pluie
krol


Pub

iced mushroom

At the beach
like on a walk,
enjoy a delicious frozen mushroom.

Without dyes or preservatives.

krol


Hi-Tech


mushrooms counting machine.

The Mushroom Counting Machine

This extraordinary machine has been highly acclaimed by industry professionals, the scientific community and the general public, always eager for novelties.
Its usefulness will obviously not escape anyone. A few quick adjustments allow you to count mushrooms, canaries and Covid-19.

🟢 Click here of on the image to access the Laboratory.

This only works in recently updated 2021+ configurations. Not working in MSIE.
browsers

krol


Gastronomy


french fried potatoes

Fine cuisine, local products. The chef's specialty, mushroom fries, can be delivered to your villa.
The small forest mushrooms are picked by hand in our beautiful region. They are served with fries and a little mint sauce.
Our "Eau des Marécages"®, a well-known digestive, is currently served free of charge*.

☕️🥐🍗🥮🍷

You can have lunch on the terrace.

🟢 I order here.

*Offer reserved for Prime customers.
©Crédit photo Nat.VH.

krol


Facilities


inside villas

Our perfectly waterproof chalets are built in stainless steel and meet the best current standards of protection and comfort. Large portholes allow a panoramic view of our beautiful region.

reception hall

Here we see the Duplantier family upon their arrival. Mrs. Duplantier received a plastic palm tree as a welcome gift*. Vacationers also benefit from free decontamination*.

(*Offer reserved for Prime customers.}
krol


Services


survival kit

In the event of a prolonged outing, remember to bring a first aid kit which includes a supply of compressed and decontaminated air which is very practical. Available free of charge* in our concierge services.

*Offer reserved for Prime customers.

Emergency services are available on Thursday afternoon.

🦠🛠🧯🩺
emergency medic

Also get an emergency vaccine kit, presented in pretty syringes in fun colors. Effective against Mountain Toad bites, Covid 19-27, Hexemus Purulus, Anthrax, Cholera, Encephalitis, Tularemia, Nerve gases, etc....

krol


Culture & Leisure


best sellers

Literature

The new novel by S.G. Levelu is snapping up at all points of sale or in our online store.

Excerpt: "Out of breath, he ran towards the dense crowd, that's when..."
Press: "Corona, a breathtaking suspense, a breathtaking thriller."

the gnou, our friend.

Event

Our exhibition "Our pets: THE GNOU" prolongs its success. As everyone knows, the wildebeest is a pet that likes the countryside. It feeds mainly on carrots which it digs up easily with its horns. Its relatively fragile health means that it is best kept warm at home in winter.
Show this voucher on your smartphone for free entry.

Mons viridis bufo

Photo Competition

Our photo contest on the theme "Our beautiful nature in close-up". Here we see a green mountain toad. (Mons viridis bufo).
The Green Mountain Toad is a species that lives on high ground. It indeed appreciates low temperatures which probably explains its aggressiveness, which gets out of control when they hunt in groups. Its bite is extremely toxic and quickly causes convulsions of the intestines in its victim. We have not seen one attacking a zebra, a species very widespread in our Ardennes.
🟢 Click here of on the image to see the photos already displayed.
To enter the contest, send us your best photo by email in our Concierge section below. And you may win a 1-year subscription to the friendly magazine: Our holidays by the sea.

krol


Shop

shopping

• A selection of regional "Small Forest Mushrooms". They are slightly luminous in the dark, it is normal and very decorative. No colorings or preservatives. (ref.champi6225)
• Water from the marshes, a gift of nature, greatly facilitates intestinal transit. (ref.sinkU2)
• Our covid-19 key rings are in high demand. (ref.key1324)
• Your connected morning cup of coffee or glass of beer notifies you via a notification on your watch when it's empty. (ref.tas8441-bir3312)
• Preview at the inventions fair, this beautiful multi-purpose tool, essential for the kitchen, office or garden. High quality manufacturing in Depleted Uranium. (ref.mar86588)
• Bardaf, a local abbey beer, amber and generous, with a fungal note. To consume with moderation. (ref.bar32258)

🟢 I order here now.

krol


Desk


pdg philippe vanhamme

Our dynamic team responds to your request for information, testimonial, complaint, reservation, or your order, by filling your client file here:
🟢📝



• Mr. C: Malgradu a maschera è a jumpsuit, u colazione nantu à a terrazza hè stata assai emotiva.

• Aristide Dupont le Glandu: Bonjour, je désirerais réserver un chalet près du lac xhatiff pour ma famille. Avons-nous besoin d'un passe sanitaire pour les pustules annales et le prurit intestinal.
 - La direction: “Non c'est hélas inutile, nos spécialistes nous confirment qu'avec ces graves affections vous serez mort la semaine prochaine.

• Nat: Est-ce que vous avez aussi des masques pour mes chats qui m'accompagneront.
 - La direction:“Il faudra un accord signé par vos chats.

• Сара Джи: Мне нравится этот отель, я хотела бы забронировать люкс.

• NV: Les combinaisons vert fluo sont très seyantes à la plage.

• Mme A.D. Bruxelles: L'hôtel de la playa est très confortable. Les champignons sont magnifiques cette année, je reviendrai.

• JPB: Même en cherchant la petite bête, ton site est un bijou, il devrait être primé.

• JK: Ton site est un vrai délire, très marrant.
 - Merci, vous avez gagné une boîte de champignons glacés.

• from ottawa: Est-ce qu'on pourra quand même se baigner dans le lac?
 - La direction: Oui, mais toute baignade sera suivie de 40 jours d'isolation.

• Jean Bonnot: Qu'en est t'il au sujet de la radioactivité?
 - La direction: C'est sans danger pour la population.

• Famille Clochemerles: Nous souhaitons réserver un de vos merveilleux chalets au bord du Lac Xhatiff.

• 许先生和太太:我们想在 8 月 12 日至 15 日预订蓝湖

• Tom hatte: Le séjour au bord du lac est inoubliable.

• Cunégonde maroslavna: J'ai le dé bouché depuis la marche pour le climat dans les marécages.

• Josianne T: Après mon retour j'ai mis mon palmier en plastique devant ma fenêtre.

• Marie-cécile P: Vivement l'année prochaine.

• Famillle Depain: C'était réellement merveilleux.

 ↓

krol
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